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These quotes will move from this section as they are sorted over time by author and classified by theme.
"It took a lot of bottle for Tony Adams to admit publicly that he had an alcohol problem." Source: Unknown -- Ian Wright.
"Cigarettes are much cheaper and more widely available alternatives to nicotine patches." Source: Unknown -- Bob Davies
"It cannot be mere coincidence that the anagram of 'Mother-in-law' is 'Woman Hitler'." Source: Unknown -- Les Dawson
"There are only three occasions in Ireland when you'll find the whole family together -- a wedding, a funeral, or if you've brought home a bag of chips." Source: Unknown -- Ardal O'Hanlon
"My dad was the fastest man in the world. He didn't quit work until five o'clock and he was always home by two." Source: Unknown -- Ken Dodd
"The best way to keep chldren at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant and to let the air out of their tyres." Source: Unknown -- Dorothy Parker
"If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark." Source: Unknown -- Leopold Fechtner
"I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance." Source: Unknown -- Frank Carson
"Most men in this town think monogamy is some kind of wood." Source: Unknown -- Mike Werb
"To intimidate your daughter's date when he picks up, let him see you sprinkling some dust. Say, 'It makes fingerprinting easier." Source: Unknown -- Mike McQueen
"My sleeping wife was snoring with all the refinement of a bronchial warthog. She sounded like the death-rattle of a moose with piles." Source: Unknown -- Les Dawson
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